7/6/09

Shidduch Crisis

Shidduch Crisis


http://matzav.com/first-date-20-groundbreaking-shidduchvision-project-aims-to-ease-shidduch-crisis/


Excellent article, and a beautiful, concise description of the possible issues:
1. Orthodox dating is at fault, with its near-hermetic separation between the sexes.
2. no (halachally acceptable) venues for young religious people to meet
3. singles have become too picky
4. men approach dating with a laundry list of requirements
5. parents coddle their children too much, which inhibits the normal social development
6. it's a function of mathematics: boys start dating at a slightly older age than girls
Issues 1 and 2 are related, frum singles don't go to dances and mixers. Issues 3 and 4 are related, and might be the result of issue 5. Issue 6 is a non-starter. Unless you are bad at math, you immediately understand that boys have always looked for girls who are two to five years younger, and it makes no difference in the results.
If I could waive the magic wand and take down expectations a notch, it would have an immediate effect. Too many singles are looking for someone in the top ten percent. And if Rabbi Moshe Pogrow would go back to math class, he would realize that this is the real mathematical reason for the problem.
Instead of looking for someone in the top ten percent, if singles would be happy with someone in the top 80 percent, then the "crisis" would disappear. Of course, this would require that singles meet and socialize and grow romantic connections BEFORE background checks and laundry lists are applied.
It all goes hand in hand.
That is why the video dating idea is not the answer. It will just make it easier to apply the top ten percent expectations, laundry list requirements and background checks. My intuition says that the video dating will have a marginal benefit.




http://matzav.com/first-date-20-groundbreaking-shidduchvision-project-aims-to-ease-shidduch-crisis/

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